Let me welcome you here officially
To the back drop of martini clatter
Break the ice with superficial chatter
I'm glad to be this year's MC
To greet the chic and the elite
Yeah, you finally get to mix and mingle
Pressing flesh until your fingers tingle
OK, alright
The band is grander than I recall
The talk is cultured, if a little small
Keep parading your charading manners
Keep pretending that it really matters
Don't ask, don't tell
And please don't stare at the emperor
In his underwear
Special thanks to the snack committee
Heavens, don't those tarts look pretty
Enjoy the conversation
But try to keep it light
Just avoid the friction
And if you feel conviction
Well then, baby, step outside
Avoid the dreaded question
The meaning of our lives
And as to God's existence
Well, that's your private business
And, quite frankly, impolite